Matt Zimbel's Drive-In Concert Protocols

By Matt Zimbel

New production protocols for the ‘Drive-In Concert”, have just been announced. The musicians will all be separated by plexiglass screens.

Now, this is not a new technique in stage production, we’ve all seen drummers surrounded by plexiglass before. Many believed that the drummer’s plexi-cave was to reduce on stage audio leakage from the drum kit. Actually, the real reason is that drummers have many contagious viruses, funguses and other airborne ailments, it’s just safer to use the plexi and as a bonus, there is less kick and snare in the vocal mic. (*as a percussionist myself, I do not expect and will not tolerate any Twitter blowback on this point @zimbelmatt)

Drive-in Concert merch will be done by drones, email your requested items with proof of purchase and your license plate number to thevirtualmerch@gmail.com or  shirtpuke@hotmail.com. Your items will be dropped on the roof of your car. The artist is not responsible for breakage.

The meet and greet is cancelled to anyone who does not have a proof of antibodies certificate and no, the artist will not sign your breasts.

Also, people, this is not a tailgate party –– so stay in your fucking car.

Remember, you may be out of isolation, but you are still in your car - there are no quarantinis' permitted in a motor vehicle, even if you have learned to cough into your elbow while in the car
with your six besties.

Oh, yes, almost forgot to mention, the drive-in washroom is closed for public health reasons.

Wear a catheter and Depends.

Enjoy the show!