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Oct 08, 2023
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Obituary: Mike Bilcox of Ajax, Ontario Pop-Punk Band Not By Choice
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Our line-up was rounded out with AJ Bovaird on bass and vocals, and many moons later I (Liam Killeen) was added on drums. Being from Etobicoke, and a few years younger than the guys, I had sensed that there was something in the water out in the Durham Region. Sum 41 had made a name for themselves locally, and little did we know – they were going to blow up in a way none of us could have fathomed. Closet Monster was touring nationally, releasing a whole bunch of great music. It just seemed like there was something happening at the Chameleon Café in Ajax.
That’s where I first saw Not By Choice. Seeing them live was such an awesome experience, I went to see them again at The Kathedral in Toronto (if you’re looking to go to shows at this Toronto staple, save your time – in typical Toronto fashion, it’s now a Crate & Barrel). I was overjoyed to be asked to join the band – and 23+ years later, I still can’t believe it happened.
Not By Choice released two EPs independently (2000’s Blue EP, and 2001’s Yellow EP), the latter securing them a spot on 2001’s edition of the Vans Warped Tour in both Montreal and Toronto. After the hype that those appearances created (please see Dave Baksh’s story below about how this came to be), the band found themselves in a bit of a bidding war with various management companies, eventually signing with Bernie Breen Management, supported by Sarah Osgoode (currently vice president at Hall of Fame Artists, representing Arkells, Lights and many others). Bernie’s roster at the time had some amazing artists, like Big Wreck, and Headstones. It was so cool to be in meetings and see Ian Thornley or Hugh Dillon pop in to the office. Even cooler on the rare occasions that they would acknowledge us! All kidding aside – all of Bernie’s roster made us feel welcome, and we were in awe of them all.
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Mike BilcoxJordan Letkemann (London, Ontario)
Once we had management, well, it only made sense to get an agent, right? We met a young Jeff Craib and a very young Tom Kemp. (They are now heads of The Feldman Agency. They were doing well for themselves back then, but their offices sure have gotten nicer and more spacious over the years). Jeff had this to say:
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“Very sad news hearing of Mike Bilcox’s unfortunate passing at such a young age. I was lucky to work with Not By Choice as their agent when we were both at the start of our careers. 20+ years later, I have the fondest memories of Mike, the band and all of the early pop punk scene that was coming up in 2001-2004 in Canada that was so great. They started in the small halls and ended up on many festival and arena bills with Simple Plan, Sum 41 and Avril Lavigne. Mike led the charge of a young band that had great energy was fun and were figuring it all out on the fly. He will be missed”
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We signed with the Toronto-based independent label Linus Entertainment, distributed through Warner Music Canada. We made our debut record, Maybe One Day, over the course of two weeks at Cherry Beach Studios in the Summer of 2002. We totally thought that this was a normal amount of time to make a record. We were so used to the most independent of budgets. We were kind of wondering what we’d do with the extra ten days?
The album released on September 3, 2002 – which also happened to be Mike’s birthday – and featured the top-10 hits "Standing All Alone" and "Now That You Are Leaving" (the latter winning the 2003 Much Music Video Award for Independent Video of the Year, in a category packed with talent such as Sam Roberts, Alexisonfire, Swollen Members, Nelly Furtado and The Salads). The songs were featured on the multi-platinum Canadian staples Big Shiny Tunes 7 and Big Shiny Tunes 8, respectively. I can’t tell you how many people would come up to us over the years to tell us that they got a copy of Big Shiny Tunes for Christmas one year and that’s how they found us. We existed towards the end of that monoculture – and it sure was good to us.
We the bulk of the Maybe One Day cycle touring with Avril Lavigne, Sum 41 and Simple Plan, and hitting the festival circuit from coast-to-coast.
Simple Plan, in particular, became really close with the band. We were always paired up with one another, and released our first albums within the same year. They were huge advocates for us and let us tag along whenever they could. Chuck Comeau, the band’s drummer, passed this along:
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“We’re all devastated by the news of Mike’s passing. We still vividly remember him in our minds: he was so full of energy, always jumping around on stage, singing his heart out, smiling and looking like he was having the time of his life. It’s heartbreaking and almost unimaginable that someone so young and full of life is no longer with us.
We first met Mike and the Not By Choice guys back in 2001 when we played 101.1 The Edge’s Christmas show with them and Sum 41 at the Kool Haus. Right away, we could tell that they were an awesome band and that we would become great friends. We had so much in common: we played a similar style of music, were roughly the same age and chasing the same dreams. Mike and his bandmates were some of the kindest, most genuine people we’ve ever met. They were always just so happy to be there and grateful for every opportunity to get on stage and play music.
Our initial intuition turned out to be right and they became our best friends in the Toronto scene, played with us at our first album release party at the Opera House and joined us on many cross-Canadian tours. Our singer Pierre would often jump on stage and sing with Mike and the boys, and we even toured Japan together. Years later, when Not By Choice reunited after a 12 year hiatus for a very special show in Toronto, we teamed up together again to celebrate the 15th anniversaries of our respective albums and it was such a treat to be able to reconnect with our old friends.
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We’re grateful for all these amazing moments we got to share with Mike.
We would like to extend our deepest condolences to his family, friends, bandmates, and everyone whose lives were touched by the music he created.”
In the midst of all of this, we found ourselves with a niche international following after our most well-known track "Standing All Alone" was used as the theme song for the YTV teen drama 15/Love, which was aired internationally. The show ran for 54 episodes over 3 seasons, became a cult favourite (featuring a young Laurence Leboeuf, no less), and the we appeared in the series finale "Charity of Fire," which can be seen on Prime Video in Canada, and Tubi in the United States. We spent two days on set, and our acting was so bad they cut our one line. That’s show business.
In late 2003, we signed with Maple Music Recordings, distributed through Universal Music Canada. we released our sophomore album, Secondhand Opinions, in October 2004. We had some success with the first single, "Days Go By," but the album failed to perform commercially as well in North America as our first record. It’s funny how these things work, but the album outperformed our first in Asia, where we had found an extremely loyal fanbase.
At the end of this cycle, we played our final shows in Japan and Canada in 2005, ending at the Air Canada Centre (currently Scotiabank Arena) in Toronto in July of the same year, playing our last arena show with the same artist that we played our first arena show with – Avril Lavigne on her Bonez Tour.
After calling it quits in 2007, we quite literally got the band back together to celebrate the 15th anniversary of our debut album with Simple Plan at Toronto’s Danforth Music Hall in 2017. After that, we played one more festival the following summer with Sublime with Rome, Simple Plan, The All American Rejects, Everclear and Eve 6 – and that was the last time we appeared on stage with one another.
Mike moved to Ottawa full-time when the band broke up in the mid-aughts, where he married Raphaelle, and they started a family. His daughter Isabelle (Izzy) was born in March 2013. As much as Mike loved being in a band, I’m not sure that I can properly explain what being a Dad meant to him. You know those ‘#1 Dad’ mugs that kids get their Dad on Father’s Day? They all should have made their way to Mike. He was the most proud parent you could ever ask for.
After being the frontman of a successful pop-punk group, what’s left to do but get into the real estate game! Mike Bilcox became Michael Bilcox from Michael Bilcox Real Estate, and like everything else he did, he excelled. He took the same passion he had in his previous life and transferred that skillset and charm to the corporate world. It’s no surprise that he did so well.
One or Mike’s oldest friends, Dave ‘Brownsound’ Baksh of Sum 41, shared this about Mike:
“I was in my second year of high school, and my cousin told me a story about a friend of his that was 'crazy.' We came up with the clever nickname Crazy Mike. I got the chance to meet him through the singer of the band I was in at the time. They were kindred spirits, constantly listening and telling others about music, old and new. Mike lived up to his new handle almost every hang we had in the early days. He brought an energy of fun and charming mischief to every situation. From doing his impersonation of the owner of the Chameleon café, to his antics at the Burger King Drive thru (which he also worked at – and was fired from. His Aunt was the owner!).
The reason I was drawn to Mike was something different. His personality, outlook and presence were magnetic. We would sit in his car and listen to tapes of Strung Out, Suicide Machines, etc. Talking about life in all aspects of its meaning, sometimes sitting there outside my house in that Volkswagen Rabbit for so long I’d go get my boom box and bring it in the car so we could keep the tunes going.
That was the beginning of Mike’s positive and can-do influence on me. He always had a way of taking the shit that life would give him and making it work. His work ethic was strong and infectious. His time? When it came to people he loved, he always had time. I was always made to feel like he had time to hang with me. I’m sure the people he dated must have loved when I would come over because we would take over his basement apartment. We would make players in the hockey video game we played and always lose in the playoffs because we were too busy laughing, carrying on and planning our futures. We were completely unaware that there were others in the room with us and that his mom and step-dad Pete were trying to sleep upstairs. He was a key element to me becoming a calm, patient and understanding person. Without his constant positive mental attitude and drive, I’d probably still be a whiny, impatient piece of sh-t.
Over the years we formed a friendship that is different from any I’ve ever had and ever will. We started with visualizing being in a band. We would listen to Face to Face’s self-title, and I remember that Mike was drawn to Trevor’s Voice. That record would become a huge influence on the first songs he would write. I was a riff kid; I’ve never grasped songwriting with a confidence for writing melody like he did. We would write together, and I would be blown away by how easy melody came to him. We respected each other’s talents and complimented each other’s styles; this further strengthened our bond. We knew there was something special about each other, and we knew that we wanted to share it with whomever was into listening.
When Sum 41 started gaining traction, I told our A&R and booking agent that this band [Not By Choice] is special and they had a song in them. This turned into one of our team securing Not By Choice a slot on the Warped Tour in 2001. One of the humblest and success-worthy bands in the Durham scene at the time was getting their shot. Proof that we weren’t a one-off band, proving that Durham had – and always will have – talented musicians and bands (Shawn Mendes would later prove this again by eclipsing both of our careers). From the beginning of the set until the end, the guys did it. They left every doubt and fear that we as musicians can have in the dust of their performance, which hit hard and convinced the crowd that this band was worth their time and efforts to support. I’m sure everyone can tell the story of the one that got away, slipped through their fingers, you name it. These guys realized what was at stake and came through. Until writing this, I never even realized I could have had my reputation tarnished by a bad performance. The thought of them not being able to kill it? It never entered my mind.
Part of my campaign to bring my friends along with us to be able to tour and experience our dreams was constantly trying to wear the Not By Choice shirts that Mike would generously give me at a time when I couldn’t buy a ton of clothes. One thing I think people misunderstood, or maybe missed, was my genius idea of making a Not By Choice sticker for my guitar in the 'Fat Lip' video. Back then stickers on your guitar were cool as f-k and would let anyone close enough know who your buds and influences were. I decided that if I was going to be in a band for a living, so were my friends in Not By Choice. I grabbed a roll of gaffer tape; a sharpie and I got to work making the first bootleg Not By Choice sticker ever. It’s prominently featured at 0:44 seconds into the 'Fat Lip' music video. I’d like to think this helped my friends more than it looked like an attempt to be punker than punk. For those of you that got it, Not By choice and I thank you.
On January 24th, 2025, one of our runners at the Canadian Tire Centre in Ottawa agreed to drive me to Mike’s house. I didn’t know this would be the last time I saw him, but due to how long it had been since we last hung out – and his situation – well there were things that needed to be said. Everything poured out: my absence in his life, watching him be the proudest father, the fact that I loved him as if he were my actual brother. In typical Mike fashion he told me, 'David, rappers aren’t the only ones that get busy…' There it was, Mike in full effect – simultaneously letting you know how much you are loved, and how much you were missed in the most charming and thoughtful way. A summary of every interaction I’ve ever had with him.
On the way to see him on his deathbed, my last minutes with him were in my thoughts. Crushing my accelerator into a fine powder trying to show my GPS who’s boss when It came to my arrival time. I was too late, however, and I got the call from Chico that Mike had passed. I didn’t know what to do. Should I turn back? Should I show up for support? Some of these people have never met me and it could be a very awkward situation. 'Hey, I know we haven’t hung out in forever but I’m showing up at 11:30 pm, make sure Mike is still there when I arrive.' That was how I felt, but then I thought, 'Why the hell wouldn’t I? I love these people. I’m thankful for the time and love that these lovely human beings have given Mike.'
I continued and arrived late, but upon my arrival, every ounce of fear and feeling like an imposter was squeezed from my body by a friend who hadn’t seen me in over a decade through a hug and a hello. That gesture made me feel as if no time had passed and I was still loved as a friend. It’s still fresh as far as my history goes, but it’s a gesture I will not ever forget. I spent the time with Mike’s body and was cheered up from the minute my friend, Mike’s partner and his amazing daughter joined us. When Mike’s daughter came in and there was an immediate calm that fell over the room. All I could think was 'Holy shit! It’s genetic! She’s got the Mike gene!' An impressive human being surrounded by love and concern for her and she, like her father, made the moment a bit lighter without a conscious effort.
The next day was one of the most important days of my life, as I had lost my third friend in two weeks at that point. The third, Mike, being the toughest due to how close we were. I was surrounded by people I consider family, old and new. I pulled up to the house, saw the wide body STI car and knew I was going to a place where my Subaru and I would be accepted. I expected maybe an hour, but we hung out like we hadn’t missed a day, or hadn’t just met. I asked a hard question about Mike’s daughter’s future and was met with the most beautiful response I could have gotten. As we went through old photos and told great stories about how Mike had a bathroom which separated everyone in the basement and the person using it by swinging old western style saloon doors. No sound proofing and a clear visual treat for anyone turning the corner and looking in the bathroom’s general direction. (I think we all had a first poop in Mike’s basement experience). The day’s importance cannot be understated, and was brilliantly summed up by Liam. it was truly 'cathartic.'
We ended it by having an emotional moment with Chico and his family as we opened Mike’s guitar cases. As we do in this family, it was diffused by a funny observation, and we were immediately back to smiles. Sure, things go wrong, but remember that thing that happened during? That was hilarious! I think that sums up my good fortune of being welcomed back by the Not By Choice family.
On my drive home, I realized there was a core thing I had learned from Mike. We all have our coping mechanisms but humour above all gives me the strength and the awareness to get over myself and focus on the moment. That’s what Mike would do. Although I’m crushed that we can’t spend more time together, I also realize how well our time together was spent – and anyone that had the pleasure of getting to know him also realizes this. I have never met anyone that can compare to Mike. Mike was our greatest partner, father and friend, and there will never be another. Mike Bilcox – the man, never the myth, always the legend.”
While we were a band of four, there was a bond between Mike and Chico that couldn’t be broken. They were the best of friends before the band, and stayed the best of friends after. We were both in Ottawa to say our goodbyes to Mike this past Saturday, and I know how much this loss has hit him. He was able to share some thoughts with me:
“Mike Bilcox was a light. He was a magnet. He was a star. He was my best friend and I will miss him.
Not By Choice in Japan.Daisuke Ihorihara (Hiroshima, Japan)
We became fast friends in the 1990s, band mates in the 2000s, and husbands and fathers in the 2010s. For the last 30 years our lives were on parallel paths and we experienced all of it together. All the fun, all the creativity, all the work, all the play, all the joy, and all the pain. We could always count on each other because we spent so much time together. We were doing the same things even when we were hundreds of miles apart! We got married at the same time and we had our kids at the same time. We never ran out of things to talk about and never ran out of ways to make each other laugh. He was the best at making me laugh (although I’m tearing up right now).
I can’t tell you how I’m feeling. I’ve never felt like this before. I know that I’m sadder than I have ever been. I can tell you, though, that in the past few days, I’ve been hearing stories about Mike from other people. Things I remembered and things I didn’t know like when Mike made them laugh or showed them something cool or just made them feel good about themselves. I think stuff like that will help all of us to remember Crazy Mike in the future and not be so sad that he’s not here.”
While the bulk of this covers Mike’s musical contributions throughout the years, there’s a band of people far more important than the ones he stood on stage with. The past year and a half was complicated and complex, requiring a team of people to provide care, emotional and physical support, and to keep spirits high. Mike’s beautiful blended family made up of his partner Nadine and her daughter Lilly-Rose, Raphaelle and Nick, and – of course – his daughter Isabelle never took a single day off, and showed up when it mattered most. The love that he had for all of them can’t be overstated, and we are so thankful as his friends for everything that they have done and continue to do.
Liam Killeen is the president and CEO of Round One Sports & Entertainment, a management company and record label that works with Classified, The Tea Party, USS and more. Prior to his days as a suit (or, according to a teenaged version of himself, a ‘Sellout’), he was the drummer of Not By Choice.
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